A BABY’S GUIDE TO GETTING WHAT YOU WANT
If there’s someone who has mastered the skill of manipulation, it is me. From the first week since I was born, I have discovered the secrets of making people around me heed to my every beck and call. As a valentine treat, I will share with you the trade secrets for getting what you want.
First, you must master how to CRY. Nothing makes people scamper to your side more quickly than crying.There are different kinds of cries. There’s the whimper, weep, wail and bawl.
The WHIMPER, or soft crying, is the mildest of them all. You just have to let out a whine to catch the attention of anyone nearby. There’s no urgency in the sound of a whimper, so I suggest you don’t use it when you require immediate attention and want to be picked-up. Expect to receive some soothing words, a caress on the arm and a tap-tap-tap on the thigh when you use this technique.
The WEEP is the one to use when you want to strike the hearts of those who hear you with pity so they will feel moved to come to your aid no matter what the circumstances. Nobody can be apathetic to a wailing baby. Kawawa naman, they’d say, and you’ll instantly be carried, cuddled, and coddled. Top off your act with a jutting lower lip and a quivering chin and you’ll have anyone fussing over you in no time.
The WAIL is one of the techniques used when urgency is required. It is a non-stop loud cry, as if one is in extreme pain. The shock of hearing a baby wail invokes panic in anyone nearby, thereby making them pick you up without second thoughts to check where you hurt. No real injuries are required as prerequisite to using the wail. It can be used anytime you want immediate attention. You are sure to receive a thorough body check, a few hugs and lots of kisses when you use this technique.
And now for the BAWL. This, by far, is the cry which receives the most urgent response. Not because people around you pity you or fear you are hurt in some way, but because they’d want to pacify you the soonest possible time before the neighbors call Bantay Bata. How to perform the bawl? Simple: use your loudest voice when crying. Show some tonsil and flail your arms and legs. And the most important thing: don’t stop bawling until the person who responds to your cry figures out exactly what you need. Out of sheer frustration, he or she will try everything possible just to try to calm you down.
Now, shedding tears doesn’t always have to be the way to go to get what you want. There’s another technique you can use to captivate the attention and the hearts of those around you. And this is the SMILE.
Curve those lips upward, add some cooing and gurgling sounds, and top off with playful winking of the eyes and—presto! You will become the most charming little baby nobody can resist. Anyone who sees your smiling face will stop what they’re doing to babble with you, carry you, embrace you, play with you… Now, isn’t that heavenly?
Master these techniques, and I guarantee— you’ll have anyone eating out of the palm of your hand.
